2.28.2014

Doubt Not


As a family, we have passed through a perfect storm. The storm lasted a decade. Like any perfect storm it was rough, unpredictable, and harrowing. Then finally, it passed. Sunshine broke through dark clouds and the rain ceased. Life looked different after the damage. We had figurative bumps, bruises, scrapes, and scratches. However, we made it through intact and stronger. I believe we have more compassion, empathy, and understanding because of it.

However, since the trial was so intense and lengthy, I thought that future trials would be less--the waters more calm for the passing. For the most part, that has been true. Unfortunately, what I have been grappling with the last couple months is this: As long as I am alive, the trials and tribulations will NEVER end.

Admittedly, with some draining experiences the last 8 weeks, I began to doubt. This was something new, because I have always been a believer--ALWAYS--even through the worst of times. With incredible emotional and physical fatigue lumped on top of exhausting problems, DOUBT crept in and took hold of my mind and heart. I started asking God, "WHY?" I am too tired and beat down to endure MORE. We are just recovering from a "perfect storm." We are rebuilding our lives, a home, and in some ways our FAITH.

Then I opened a jar of quotes a dear friend gave me at Christmas time. As adorable as it was, I had yet to reach in and read even one inspiring quote since I received this savvy, lovely present. After a horrible day at the doctor's office, hospital, pharmacy, and a river of tears, I decided I needed God to give me an ANSWER! I needed to know WHY! Frankly, I was feeling bitter and I know better than to be bitter--especially at HIM. But to be honest, bitterness was welling inside of me. So the plan was to fish inside the jar without looking and see if God would provide me a personal message.

And to my utter astonishment, HE did! Here are the words on the card:

When you come
out of the 
STORM
you won't be the
SAME PERSON
who walked into it.
THAT'S WHAT THE STORM
was all about.
-- Haruki Murakami

Stunningly, my question was answered. What I learned from this experience is: I need to as President Deiter F. Uchtdorf admonished, "doubt your doubts before you doubt your faith." Whether we like it or not, we will all pass through storms in this life. It's inevitable. Peace may be ours (mine) as we keep our eyes on the Savior and reach to Him, like Peter when he walked on the water. As long as we do this, we won't SINK. Doubt NOT.



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